• Karishma Merchant

Offsprings of Conflict: 3 Ways How to not be the Victim

Life has a way of not being so easy. No matter how easy and straightforward you want it to be with the way you lead your life, when interacting with others around you, life gets a bit complicated. After all, not everyone thinks like you do.

For those who have experienced family conflict of any sort and/or are children who have seen a bad marriage, life can get really complicated, really quickly. Many of you may think, “Well my parents leave me out of their problems, so I have not been affected”, but that may not be the case sometimes.

No matter how “out of it” you are, a conflict like divorce will always be a part of your psyche. Divorce is not a happy process. Yes, there are some cases where divorce agreements are done amicably and no one is severely affected by it (so a big congrats to you, mature people!). On the other hand, there are a lot more divorce cases that sometimes leave a very negative impact on the children, especially those under the age of 25 (ages 5-25 seem to be the most impressionable ages of humans).

As a person who has experienced a less than pleasant divorce in the family, I can for sure say that it did affect me, and still does, very deeply. This, I can say, is why: Our parents are the only two people in the world that play the most important role in our lives: our foundation. They shape our lives, build us up, and make us stronger. Parents are considered one unit. That is the idea that we all have in our heads by default.

But when that unit/foundation starts developing cracks that are too stubborn to be fixed, that is where we, by default, come into this picture.

Below are 3 ways, in my opinion we can save ourselves from becoming collateral damage in this whirlwind of drama that we call our parents:

Whenever something “wrong” to you seems to look really right, ask yourself, “Is this really worth it?”

Moral compass can be a very important thing, especially at this time. It is very important to follow your gut, your values, and not get swayed into doing things that you would usually not do. The biggest way that a child of divorced parents can put themselves in a victimizing position is buy engaging in behavior that is unlike them.

Let’s face the reality as covered before: the breaking of foundation can really rock you into many different directions and it can also affect a person psychologically. But never forget this: Never ignore your gut feeling and never forget what you stand for.

Some decisions that you might make may be unlike you. But it is very important to stand your ground no matter what the decision is.

One simple question that you could ask yourself to make the right decision for you is: “Is this really worth it?” If the answer to that question is no, then you know what your decision should. It is something so simple that you might think, “Well, I knew that.” But no, sometimes, that is not really where your mind goes to first. Don’t be impulsive and always stand your ground. No matter what, you should always be your first order of defense.

Surround yourself with positive and people who have a similar moral compass than you.

When things turn south in the family, it’s a person’s first instinct to search outside of the family to seek support, especially when you don’t have a strong and dependable extended family. Sometimes, these people that you call your friends may lead you down a route that they have gotten used to and is okay with their moral compass. However, during this time of YOUR life, your sense of judgment for people might be forsaken at some points and you may feel the need to fit in with the “trend of habits” that you are surrounded by.

You may be thinking that these people may have your best interest at heart, but as we all realize as we go through life, is that no one except your family, and some super close friends that are rare to find, really do care that much about you, genuinely. But, at this time, your family seems like the last group of people you want to go to, so what do ya do?

You surround yourself with better people. I honestly believe that these are one of those moments in life where you have to take a real hard look at who your close friends are. Are they as accomplished as you are? Is their moral compass and sense of right and wrong similar to yours? Will they stop you from making bad decisions and lead you on the right path? Will these people bring out the best in you and not bring you down? And the friend filtering begins!

These are important questions to ask yourself, because if you don’t, then it can be very difficult to find your true self and succeed at not letting your family situation let you down.

Don’t ever let yourself, anyone, or anything get you down.

Self-esteem can be a very delicate and precious aspect of a person. It is very important to take care of it, nurture it, and keep it positive. Going through any kind of crisis or conflict can be hindering on a person’s self-image at times, and mostly it is in a bad way. As I see it, when in conflict mode, as human nature has it, a person makes himself or herself a blame factor in the situation and has a tendency of picking out their own flaws, which causes them to take a hit on their own self-esteem. Don’t do that!

Always be positive and realize yourself to who you really are! Accept your flaws, strengthen your goodness, be a good person, don’t hurt others, and live a good life, blessed life!

Life is good. No conflict is too big that can’t be handled with a calm mind and strong sense of self.

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